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Jun 29
2011
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The Dalai Lama was recently in Australia for a series of ‘Happiness Conferences’ and it got me thinking. We are constantly told by lifestyle experts that we need to have balance in our lives, that there must be a perfect blend of family, friendships, employment, relaxation, hobbies and spiritual development; that if we do not have perfect balance between these we are not harmonious and happy.
What if this was a myth? What if, rather than balance being a cause of happiness, multiple factors meant that you created happiness by understanding your nature first, your environment second and how you thirdly nurture one in the other?
There are those of us who like to be busy – not for want of hiding or running – but because we enjoy a fast-paced movement of life. If your nature is dynamic, fast, physical – then balance to you is going to mean something very different to a quieter person.
Your Nature & Happiness
Assess yourself. Does your nature mean that you have to be fully immersed in everything that is going on around you? Does your nature mean you can do short bursts of interaction then you have to pull back? Do you like to put a lot of physical and mental work into your day and then have peace and spiritual time for yourself at night? Think about your nature and how you nurture that.
I get concerned when I hear people constantly say that balance in life creates happiness. Some people are happy when they are out of balance – it changes from one person to another and is very subjective. Does that mean your concept of happiness is also subjective? Yes it does.
People who understand their nature achieve more than someone who conforms to a particular ideal of balance and happiness. Whether you speed through life or take it at a slower pace, I believe that happiness is not dependant on balance but on your understanding of how and why you live the way you do, how you support the success of this and the systems and environments you set up to endorse this.
Your Environment & Happiness
I also think that environment is more important to happiness than balance. Within imbalance comes a desire to explore, expand and develop our environment; to try to perfect our capacities; to make us evolve and grow. Perfect balance means staying in the one spot – and nothing grows via stagnation.
We’ll never find balance where everything is perfectly even – at times you need to contribute to and focus on one area more than another because of our evolution and the fact of need, no different to having to give more attention to one child or animal over another when specific issues arise for them as individuals.
In order to feel happiness what parts of your environment do you need to develop, hold back from and explore further? Some areas will take more time than others but they will reveal how you work to find your own sense of balance, rather than one of suggested perfection.
To me, happiness is the culmination of our depth, attitude, fortitude, development, alignment, nurturing, pushing, persevering and stepping back. It is the way that you align these for you specifically that allows you to find happiness – not in a way that is measurable by society but by your own internal environment.
Subscribe to this comment's feedwritten by Swirley , June 30, 2011
For example balance to others might look as if you have lots of red balls in the air and you look as if you are juggling them all admirably - meeting all your challenges or being interesting, successful, serene or whatever...
But usually in the personal context you know its some important part of your life, to your growth as a person or what keeps you grounded or happy or sane and it can be quite invisible to others - so I agree with Julianna that balance (probably like spirituality) is a personal, unique and shifting thing and it's not just something else that can or should be used as a judging tool. 'Her life is so unbalanced etc etc.' I can understand why Julianna might like to have a little revolt (or two) at this at this sort of thing - a limited way of thinking and being.
But I don't think I can agree with her that environment is more important than balance. I think ironically when Julianna argues this she is supporting the other side of the balance debate unwittingly...
Some thoughts on why it's not as important include if its the wrong environment it may be more likely to entice you into more bad habits, and reinforce them keeping you there...and its harder to fight - the way teens find it hard to break from a drugs habit if all their friends are into it and they want to keep their old friends.
Another example might be living in a share house with people that actively live different lifestyles to you. If you need to balance your life, by having quiet time and the others living in the same house make it difficult to adopt the sleeping patterns required to live your life and grab time for whats important to you. It could end up just making it difficult for you, making you question yourself and your choices and probably you may begin to feel bad if people within the house or others think you have odd desires or choices and tell you so every few days.
...and environment can be a support ...while you are fighting environments less than optimal it may be more difficult to choose more of that which helps you. Peer group pressure can be more immense than we think, at any age - it takes a strong person, who is very well balanced, to be independent of all that. Can they stay balanced there - to keep up their trajectory?
But even if you are incredibly self balancing in the a non conducive environment or you can resist the gravity of environment - that's wonderful - but all of the energy that it would take to maintain this, - to carve out your independent choices could be better, could be used to better effect within the natural flow of energy - the flow that might be more effortless and more productive from a more supportive (of your choices and balances) environment.
I love discussing the theory all the while knowing the limitless dimensions of how this could also unfold differently for each person make my thoughts a little obsolete
:-)
.... so would just suggest follow what empowers you in a good way, learning to make adjustments as you go along and as you discover .... no matter what those things are labelled and what world trends are..and you can't ever go wrong.'
Swirley
I think anyone can trapped in the idea of balance if they limit themselves to the concept of what it is.
I too love to discuss the theory of balance in your lives. Being Jewish but studying with different Faith based mentors has been interesting and disconcerting at times. interesting in that we all come back to the principle that balance is about harmony and happiness; and frustrating in that what and how do you create the balance!
I love your blog. Interesting.
In the end, I think it is about self honesty.
cheers,
Julianna.