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I recently asked people on Facebook who have lost a child if they would share their story of survival with me in the hope that it would help others going through the same thing. What I did not expect was to receive a beautifully written, heartfelt experience from one man in which I played a part - thank you Arthur. Please read Arthur’s story and feel free to share it with someone who may need it.

“When I lost my son at 18 to suicide I thought that I would die from the shame of this as well as the pain of it. I am 84 years old and my son George suicided a little over 40 years ago now.

It’s ok for you now I think that suicide is held with sympathy now but back then it was held with contempt. They were seen as weak and unable to make it. They were cowards and you were seen as a direct reflection of this as a bad or inept parent. But I wasn’t any of these and neither was his mum.

When my son was born he was the youngest of three. They were all close in age and grew up close. We have a property out at Emerald QLD and it is a bit of a tough country out here. And beautiful as well.

George always seemed a little quieter than the others but he was also smarter and in many ways more sensitive. We knew then he was a bit more squeamish towards certain things than the others, but we just thought, ’oh well it’s George, that’s just him.’

He wanted to get into University because he didn’t want to have to work on the land as the other two chose to do with us. And really, he is not made for the land the way his sister and brother are. Those two are still here, done well, great kids and we all are still tight. Grandkids off to Uni and the city but back most weekends in the paddocks riding etc.

Anyway he applied to University and didn’t get into his course-Veterinary and then he just became quieter for the next 6 weeks.

We couldn’t find him after a mustering day. We thought he may have had an accident on the horse so we all went out to look for him. We worked all night and it was finally one of the Indigenous trackers who found him. He hung himself from a tree.

The worst part for me was that his mother had to go and hold him when she heard where we found him-she just couldn’t let us sort it out. She had to come and hold him. No crying just a quiet asking God to forgive him this sin of suicide and have him up there with him to look after his soul.

Back then you could not be buried on the church ground for the sin of suicide so we buried him at home. Now she (Agnes) lays with him.

I wanted to know why he did it for so long. Eventually his way of death became a cancer with his mother and I because the way we were brought up and all, it was such a shame to the family, a stigma of a sort. So finally, 17 ½ years ago I went to a very young clairvoyant at the suggestion of a friend when I was in NSW for the Royal Easter Show and she said to me;

‘mate, I can tell you that he did it not because he felt helpless or hopeless or fed up with life-rather because he felt he just didn’t want to be here for this life. He knows he had a good family and life and yet within himself he just didn’t want to be here. There is never a rhyme or reason for this to be born within a person but it can be there. He wants you to know that he likes that you buried him with his jeans and white shirt. He likes the simplicity of it. He loves that you stop at the fence line everyday on your way out and say hi and love ya to him. He loves that even though you cannot hear him-he can hear your heart all day, every day. So he is not lonely as you are and he is not hurting as you are-yet he is sorry for the pain he didn’t realise he would so permanently cause. Tell mum her gardenias’ smell great that she planted to mark his grave and that he is excited to be with you again', and there was more said.

What I learnt from this and what my wife and I took away was the comment about how he hears everything we think and feel in our hearts. So we found peace with this. We also learnt that to worry about others’ thoughts on how our son died was not for us to worry about but for the Almighty to sort out. We learnt that for George to come through so peacefully and with such a deliberate communication that he must indeed be on the other side and comfortable. So perhaps suicide was not a sin after all but just the sad and sorry way for him to pass to God’s Grace or why would he be happy and so able to communicate?

Understand as a parent that when your child takes their own life that you will inevitably lose a huge peace for your soul and mind’s peace for your human eternity. Also understand that while you may not understand and the world may judge-it is part of a plan and they are safe. You may not see it or understand the plan but they are still looking at us and wondering why we choose to keep letting this hold us back.

So I would like people to read this and know that there is no shame in suicide, there is no throwing out of heaven from this choice of death. There are simply parents who need to understand that they did all they can and now God will do the rest of the parenting for them.

I hope this helps someone Julianna.

Nice to see you have grown into a strong woman since a young teen at Balmain markets.”

Arthur

I am not God and so I wish I could tell you the WHY of this happening, if only for the vain hope that we could all prevent the loss of our child or children - but I cannot. However I am privileged to deliver peace and comfort by being the conduit for people who are grieving and the spirit who has passed, allowing the two to connect via our chat sessions or channelling sessions.