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When was the last time you were given a compliment? And how did you react?

Too often I hear people deny or move away from a compliment they are given; “You are so good at doing that!”“Na not really, I just threw it together...” “You look great in that!” “Really? I don’t feel great, I feel self conscious...” The list of examples can go on.

This topic came up recently in a class when I was talking to my students about how well they are doing in various ways. So many of them just looked like they wanted to dissolve into the carpet (you know you nearly all did).

I was trying to explain that taking a compliment and receiving in general is an art and a skill: one that has been lost in time and clouded with the modern concept of ego. Giving is also a skill and managing the two in your life – giving and receiving – takes a conscious effort.

We are often so comfortable with giving. When we look at the motivations of giving they fall into a few categories:

• The desire to impress;
• The desire to help;
• The compulsion to be thought well of; or
• The compulsion to control the affections, thoughts and motivations of those in your environment.

When we are comfortable with receiving we must look at those motivations as well:

• We understand our position in the skill, endeavour or situation;
• We understand our contribution in the skill, endeavour or situation;
• We understand our strengths and capacity in the skill, endeavour or situation; and
• We understand who we are and what we want to do with this.

If you cannot accept a sincerely given compliment then you need to look at how you are out of kilter in your life and your internal view of yourself. Do you shy away from compliments because you cannot cope with the public glare on your capacity? Do you feel that you don’t deserve the recognition for your strengths and capacities? Ask yourself why you are uncomfortable receiving on any level.

The next time you are about to give a compliment ask why you are giving it. How does it feel to give this and be honest with why you desire to give it?

Then when you are the recipient of a compliment notice how you feel when given it and most importantly what your FIRST mental response was! This is the true indicator as to whether or not you feel worthy, not just within yourself, but within your life.